Thursday, April 07, 2005

summer and other ramblings

i don't have very much to report on guys. . . but i feel i have to write something.

i'm in the process of convincing Chris to come down for a while during the summer. (Mari, Critter, remember my Chris? the one from the halloween party? thats him, and he's been trying to get a hold of you for a while, answer the phone girls!) i'm pretty sure the girls are coming down this summer also, so i hoping we could all go canoeing? *crosses fingers* i told Chris that we could go and he seems excited about the adventure, so what say you girls? I wanted to go back up to Montréal for Gay Pride, but if we can organize this, i would rather go on the river for two days then get liquored up and dance with hot sweaty men in the middle of the street. . . wait a minute? i really want to go canoeing instead? i'm loosing my Gay side! LOL i think it's just the lack of Gay culture in these parts. but it's a good thing! i have been drug free since November! (YEH FOR ME!) and i'm still going strong! wow, i really do think i'm a bit skatter brained! look at where my convo went, do you not agree? HA!

i've been discovering new music from the 50's, 60's, and 70's and some emo music also. very interesting stuff it is. . . my taste is slowly changing into more classic and hippy music. i'm becoming more and more pasionate about freedom, about rights, about peace and love, but most importantly about God. whenever your alone you always have someone to look too, someone to talk too no matter where you are, or whats happening to you. it's such a wonderful thing to be a part of, and all he asks in return is for you to love your fellow man. . . it's not hard folks.

when i was Pagan, i had the freedom to do what i wanted anytime (eg. sex, drugs, my actions) anything i wanted, but i found out that it all just let me down in the end. if i didn't do the right prayer or ritual, then (according to the Pagan Order) that god or goddess wouldn't help me, and would turn away. when you ask God for help, you don't need no fancy words or dances, it could be while your watching T.V , just a thought, it doesn't have to be out loud. and he will help you in a way that you cannot explain. it may not be right away, but through other people and events is how God helps you. so why not just take a chance and believe in him anyway? if i'm wrong well i'm wrong, but i was still a good person through his teachings. . . and well of course if i'm right, well then i'm right. my point is, you have nothing to loose, only to gain. it's a wonderful thing guys, and you will never be alone. . .

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Gay comunity and I need your help!!!

i don't know how many people read my journal, but please, go to this site and and send an email not only to your mp, but to all others! http://equal-marriage.ca/election.php

this is really important to me and to the rest of my fellow Lesbians and Gays that i get as many of you as possible to send the email to all the MP's. all the info is on the site, and it doesn't take very long, so please take the time to fill it out, and you'll be helping our comunity as well as your own. thankyou! and God bless!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

i'll fly with you

I still believe in your eyes, i just don't care what you've done in your life
baby, i'll always be here by your side, don't leave me waiting too long, please come by
and i'll fly with you

everyday and every night, i always dream that you are by my side
oh baby, everyday and every night
well luv, i said everything is going to be alright
and i'll fly with you

Friday, March 04, 2005

it must come to this?

i'm sick of the way you are. always critizing everyone who walks by, did you ever look at yourself? the stench of your rotting soul makes me ill enough to vomit all your ugly (according to you) face. wait, hahahaha i know the solution! buy me back! thats what you seem to do to everything else in your life, BUY! your the ultimate consumer! BUY! yes that will fix everything will it? do you really care for me? or are you to afraid to be alone like you were for the past 21 years? your wonderful to me when you want to be, but to everyone else, your barely there. i don't want into this! i've gone though enough shit in my life to know that i don't have a future with you. unless you fucking well change your putrid ways. i'm disgusted, outraged and imbarrested for both of us. how you make an ass out of yourself. don't you see? don't you see what you do to me and the people around you? what you say to your parents, god love them they give you everything anyway, how you treat your own mother? you know NOTHING of my life, NOTHING of what i went through and i'm still standing here breathing. so what i don't have a job yet? i will get one on my own unlike your aunty calling you up and handing to you on a fucking silver plate! i'm so sick of you, of this! i doubt you'll change your ways, and there is nothing atm that you can say to comfort me. please give me my time, at least give me time to cool off. you need to change. i think you know that. but you need to do it NOW! there aren't too many people out there that's going to put up with this all too much longer. now, smarten the hell up! grow some fucking balls and face your problems instead of throwing money in its face. be an adult!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Montréal!

i'm back from Montréal! and even though i didn't get to do all the things i wanted to do, i still got a lot accomplished! i was able to get my stuff with the help of my second father a.k.a John Shearing (Marisa's father!) thanks DAD!!!

the trip there was a bit longer then i hoped it would be, and a snow storm most of the way, but we had many laughs and chocolate!

we arrive in Montréal, ohhh about quarter after 7 PM and eat supper at Ann's parents house (Ann is a friend of all ours, great women!) we finsh supper and head on our way to Mari's!!! YEH! but to our dismay, they're not home.

we get a hold of Mari, and she's in Verdun.

she arrives home and i take Adam out with me to meet my friends (for those of you just reading, Adam is my current bf) and of course i have a ball! Adam is too tried really to enjoy anything. by this time i haven't slept a wink in about 2 days, but i'm so wired about being in Montréal that sleep was my last prioity!

in meeting my friends, i met someone new to my fag groupy, his name is Jonny. what a gorgeous gorgeous man! if i was single, and well if he was too (he's going out with my ex Phillippe) i would be just all over him, YUM!

the next night we all head out to Unity. that i will leave for your personal questions, one on one or on the telephone.

the night after that was a quiet night home spent with my most bestest girl Mari and the family. that was probably the most fun only cause Mari and i got to spend soo much time together, dancing, talking, playing games, and making fun of people! lol Mari i love you soo much! your my everything doll!!! MWAH

Friday night we all headed out to where else? SKY!!!! omg it was so nice to press against all those hot sweaty half naked bodies, smelling sex in the air, drinking sex on the beaches, listening and dancing to music with taste a.k.a techno and dance. mmmmm it was just like the good ole' days!

my poor Mari then lost her coat. i still don't know what went on or what happened, but i pray to God someone finds it. Mari was in a kerfuful over it and i don't blame her. i partly feel responsible for it, i wanted her to come so bad with me. . . i'm sorry babes!

all and all i got to spend time with my soulmate mari and see all my friends. thankyou again to my second mom and dad for giving me this opertunity to get my stuff and see my city again! thanks to Mari for letting me stay at her house and just being there to talk too!!! THANKYOU to the rest who i forgot! (it's 4:30 AM i'm soooo sorry)

God bless!

BAz

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

a day and a walk in nature

as many fallbacks as there is in this life, i can't but see only the good now. i went yesterday for a peaceful walk (which was only suppose to be 30 mins) and i was gone for 3 hours. i went to the woods. as i wondered around aimlessly, i noticed all the furry little creatures hoping about seeming to enjoy the cold and the snow. was it an illusion? i sat and ponder all my thoughts, all my actions. the answer was in these furry creatures believe it or not.

it was starting to get dark and a bit colder. i laughed and i cryed, i smiled and i frowned, i ran and i walk, total utter freedom. . . the answer was in these little creatures. although they live in the cold, and don't really have a home and are always scared and nervous because of preditors, or the lack of food they still take the time to play in the snow.

there is a time to cry, a time to laugh. a time to be scared, a time to be brave. i have always hide and ran away and hoped it would go away dispite all the evidence that it doesn't. i'm now going to face my fears. i'm going to get that job, and i'm going to Montréal to see my friends, but most importantly, to get MY stuff which is in posession by some wierdo maniac. i will do this, and i will be a better person.

the stuff nature can teach you. . . you just have to listen. . .

Friday, January 28, 2005

hoooo-hum!

unemployment isn't working out for me atm, it's going to take at least another 3 weeks. . . . BLAH!!! so i filled out my application for the hospital and i guess and hope i can get a job there as a sitter (boring job, but i can get upto 70 hours a week! YEH) it pays about as much as i would make at McDicks but without all the work and hassel of drunk homeless men! so thats good! as for my shit back in Montréal, i hope to be getting up there very soon to get it! FUCK! i really don't know what i'm going to do BLAH! but when i do get there i will be there for (HOPEFULLY) the weekend, so we ALL need to go out! so guys, WE"RE GOIN' OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Mari, the phone bill is too high (EEEEEK!) so if it's alright can you call me? thats why i didn't get a chance to call you back. . . . :-( so please if you can! i want to hear the gossip from my beloved, infamous, bestest city. . . . . . . . . MONTREAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BAz